Reasons I can't sleep

Lately I have not been very motivated to get up in the morning, what am I saying I don't get up until 2 pm some days. I usually need some objective to accomplish that gets me going. But for the past 3 weeks or so I just lay there and ponder what activity or string of tasks will get me up today. It has gotten to the point where urination can be held off until I actually get moving. I'm sorry but at 2 or 3 in the afternoon a shower has become optional if plans for later are not established.

Another problem is that I stay up way too late, 3am sometimes 4. There is no real reason but I like to think that there is. The one reason could be that I don't do very much during the day to expend energy. Another is that I believe that I have not been fulfilled by the events that transpired and this causes me to stare vacantly the tv late at night hoping to catch the glimpse of something that made the day worth it. Infomercials do not hold the answers to anything meaningful nor do late night repeats of American Chopper.

My mom is home until at least the middle of June. So I think, psychologially, that in order to get away from her I have unconsciously tried to put myself on a different sleep cycle in order to shorten the length of time that we both occupy awake. Everyday I get to wake up to the daily comparison of abdominal surgery marks.

There are only a few things that I know that can actually get me to sleep with out much lagging. One would be the company of a good woman, which has not happen in a long time. The other would be a long night of drinking, which again has not occurred in some time.

I don;t know if I need help sleeping or just something to do during the day. Yeah I know that the latter will help the former, but inversely the former does not necessarily help the latter. Maybe if I dive head long into some art project, that could help out some.

t-2