Recent Conversations

Another in the long string of lame jokes my niece either hears at school or reads in a book.

Arabelle: "Have you ever heard of the book 'The Yellow River' by I.P. Daily?
Me: "No."
Arabelle: "Haha, it was a joke. Get it, I pee daily."

After paying for lunch and walking to the car with 2 guys from work.

Guy1: "Do you even have a bank card?"
Guy2: "Yeah, I was wondering the same thing."
Me: "Yes I have a bank card."
Guy2: "Yeah he probably doesn't even have a bank account."
Guy1 : "I bet he keeps his money at home in his mattress."

I could not let that stand. I could not let that be the last word. If you are going to make fun of me do it right. I used their usual taunt of me being into Death Metal against them.

Me: "Actually, I keep it at home in my satanic altar."
Guy1: "You have a Santanna altar?"
Me: "Yes, I have an altar to Carlos Santanna at home."
Guy2: "Hahahaha."
Me: "It's where I perform various rituals to the latino guitar player and listen to his catchy melodies."
Guy1: "What?"
Guy2: *well he just continued to laugh*


On Friday at lunch, I heard my job compared to a group of monkeys trying to fuck a football. That is actually pretty accurate.